Dating someone not physically attracted to

You recognize that you don't want to waste your time with the 3rd guy but you don't realize that if you got with one of the other two it would most likely be a waste of time too bc sooner or later you'll get bored of them and realize you want someone you're passionate about or at least attracted to! So my advice is either keep looking or have fun with the 3rd guy. Realize that he's not good long term potential but learn from your relationship and interactions from him.

That way you'll learn from your experience and the next attractive vagabond that comes around that doesn't have the other more responsible qualities you want won't seem so enticing. So, I am familiar with the "hot flaky noncommittal dude," believe me. But this does not sound like that dude.

In fact he sounds perfectly dateable to me. He's "not that serious about you"? You've met him twice and never kissed! If he WERE "serious about you" at this point it would be sort of a red flag. It almost sounds like you feel you have to convince yourself not to like this perfectly nice dude who you are attracted to, just because he's not a nose-to-the-grindstone type and you feel you shouldn't date someone like that.

You should date someone who is unattractive......10 Reasons Why

If you have to date one of them, date the third; people you like mostly on paper don't make for good relationships. Also, as an academic currently dealing with the delightful fun of an international relationship- dating other academics is not always easy. While it is convenient to have an s. So the good-on-paper guys may not even be that great on paper.

But you don't have to date anyone, or anyone seriously, if you're not feeling it. Go for the third guy. Don't string the other two along. Have a fun, youthful fling with the third guy, knowing it probably won't last, and someday you'll meet a guy who both excites you and feels like a good match long-term. Have fun with him, but be on the lookout for problems and if it's truly not a good match but you're starting to get hooked, break it off before it becomes a real problem.

Never date anyone you have to convince yourself to date. I actually think it's completely reasonable to gamble on feeling sparks eventually with one of the "reliable" guys. The amount of weight you're placing on this group of characteristics suggests that it might become important to you in a longer-term relationship and that you might just get along better with someone "serious.

Whatever you decide, if it doesn't work out as you hoped, remember that this was your job: And darn, you got a blue marble. Maybe you were wrong and those other bags were just full of red marbles! But that is not something you could possibly have learned from drawing your blue marble.

What you have learned instead: Pride and Prejudice is fiction. I've been physically attracted to men who in general weren't the type I like best. I trust my gut. You're going to be much happier in your dating life if you let go of any expectation that it's going to be a certain way.

You can't predict the endgame of any of these three potential relationships, and setting them up against some idealized version of romance or especially some relationship archetype from a book is only going to result in frustration and disappointment. Don't sabotage your happiness trying to architect the perfect partnering. It's not going to happen. You should date the people you feel like you want to date the most, until you don't want to date anymore, because that's really all that matters.

Upon seeing your comment: As a rule of thumb, if you're arguing with advice to "follow your heart" one way, it probably wants permission to go the other. I'm not disagreeing with all the advice not to settle for just appreciating that someone is a good person, without attraction. That's not, in most cases, the same as what would drive long-lasting attraction.

It's fun and exciting and a great way to get attraction started, but maybe for you it's not the most important.

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She never had to convince herself she was interested in him. She was completely uninterested in him on first impression, continued to do her own thing and got to know him better, and then changed her mind. At no point did she ever say, "man, I really wish I was into this dude. Convincing yourself to like a guy makes you Charlotte Lucas and the guy Mr. I think the point of Pride and Prejudice is that Elizabeth is prejudiced against Mr.

Darcy and determined not to like him, but once she gets to know the 'real' him, she actually finds that she likes him very much. Her internal and external monologue goes from being something like "Gosh, this guy's really handsome and rich, sucks that he's such a huge jerk" to "Oh. I guess I was misled about the whole jerk thing.

Turns out he's actually a stand-up dude once you get to know him. AND he's handsome and rich. I actually really like him. I hope he comes back She never tries to change her mind about him because she thinks it would be good for her. She kept being prejudiced about Mr. Darcy even though it would have been good for her to be a little more open-minded and other, less-prejudiced people pointed this out. In fact, she fights really hard against the idea that she could have been prejudiced and kind of has to eat humble pie and finally admit despite herself that she knows she's wrong.

I feel like the example you're trying to make would be like Lizzy agreeing to marry Mr. Collins because she thinks it would be good for her family, even though she doesn't feel anything for him well, actively finds him repugnant, but you didn't suggest that this was the case for you. There doesn't seem to be any suggestion that your Mr. Wickham is a cad, so there probably wouldn't be anything wrong with getting to know him a little better. Maybe at the next Assembly. Also, people are not isolatable into individual traits; they're whole packages. If the whole package isn't doing it for you with any of these guys not that it sounds like you've gotten to know them particularly well yet, so be careful about prejudice maybe keep looking for someone you're actively interested in or give a chance to the one you're actively interested in [not just physically, either].

Reacting to your "convince oneself to make the right choice" comment, there's not some kind of valor in eating your vegetables and dating some guy you don't actually like. It's not doing him any kindness. If marriage and kids are part of your nearish-term life plan, think about actively taking the initiative to seek out someone who ticks all your boxes, not just choosing from whatever not-quite-right choices happen to have dropped into your lap.

I think that due to the whole cultural expectation thing, women don't tend to do this enough, and it leads to a lot of settling. No guy with any mettle is too busy to make a move on a woman to who he's attracted.

Should you date someone you’re not fully attracted to?

Write those losers off; save your pass on sub-par looks for a chubby bald dude with a serious career who pursues you intensely. Internet guy sounds like he's worth getting know. Lots of awesome men bummed around a bit in their 20s. Making major life decisions based on archetypes from pre-Victorian romance novels is probably not the best way to proceed, in any case. It was Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. But what she wanted to know was, does that matter? I guess it does, because up and down the Internet, scores of women have sought advice about what to do with men they have a connection with, but no physical attraction to.

The way it usually goes is that other things about them peak your interest and help to build physical attraction. A guy who always makes you laugh.

What to Read Next

An intelligent, cultured guy who makes you think. A guy who is caring and really gives of his time and himself to help others. A guy who is emotionally intelligent, in touch with his feelings and the feelings of those around him. A guy in tune with your needs who is considerate.

How to Date Someone You Aren't Attracted To (with Pictures)

A guy with power and intensity. Who he is as a person can turn you on enough to build physical attraction, meaning the sexual attraction can grow over time. But if that is not the case, then you have to do what works for you.